Sex is not just a physical act, it’s a sharing of energy and life force. Casual sex is not casual.
If you hook up with people that you don’t know or don’t have a connection with, there are a few downsides that you should be aware of:
During sex, our bodies release oxytocin, a hormone that triggers bonding. It makes you feel more attached to your romantic partner, triggering emotions like trust, happiness and connection.
It’s almost inevitable that one person develops feelings for the other, which can A) cause heartbreak and B) if you develop feelings for someone before getting to know them, and they are clearly not into you beyond the sexual interest - you’re basically getting attached to someone without actually understanding who they are or how they will treat you. It’s like you’re hiring a CEO for your company based on their looks, without an interview and making sure that they align with your company’s goals and values, hoping that it will be a good match (fingers crossed!)
But there is another downside that is rarely mentioned but even more harmful in the long run: casual sex is damaging your ability to bond with a long term partner.
Because we release oxytocin during sex with the purpose of bonding, if you don’t actually bond with your sexual partner, your body makes less and less oxytocin over time.
This will lower your ability to build a healthy relationship and experience intimacy.
Your body starts to disassociate sex with trust, so if you try to settle down with a long-term partner, sex won’t feel as fulfilling and intimate.
Additionally, studies have shown that long-term downside effects of casual sex are:
feelings of loneliness,
I’m not judging anyone for their habits, the amount of sex they have and how they choose sexual partners. I have had a long, active sex life and plenty of hookups in the past. But you should know these basic facts so that you can make an informed decision about who you will jump in bed with and whether it’s worth it.
PS. I know that there are people who will disagree with me on this. Some people are more sensitive/resilient than others. Not everyone will suffer the same consequences. If my advice works for you - take it. If it doesn’t - don’t take it. I personally know people who eventually got married to their casual sex partner. I’m not talking to those of you who enjoy this lifestyle and find that it works/worked for you - I’m really glad that it does/did.
I am talking here to those who feel bad after casual sex but may not understand why. Or those who succumb to peer/partner pressure in spite of wanting to say no. You should always listen to your gut.