Should you go “No Contact”?

This is written for you if:

• you just broke up with someone and you understand that they are not good for you, but you still communicate with them even though you’re getting mostly breadcrumbs;

• you are seeing someone on and off, you want more, they don’t and it’s making you sad, but you’re still in contact with them;

• you have had no contact for a while, but now they reached out to you or you feel an overwhelming need to reach out to them.

If you don’t fall into any of these categories, you can stop reading now. But if you recognize yourself in either, keep reading.

WHAT IS “NO CONTACT”?

“No contact” means exactly that: no contact. It means no contacting, no small talk, no exchanging jokes or asking about their day, no looking them up on social media. It also means not responding to their messages, however hard or painful that may be. If they keep reaching out, block them and remove their access to your life.

WHY “NO CONTACT”?

Out of sight, out of mind. You may have decided that this situation doesn’t work for you, but you may also not have the mind power to resist. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes a person can be like a drug, and it will take all of your willpower to not look at their life via social media or to restrain yourself from responding to a late night text that says nothing but “hey”. You know you deserve better, you want better, but still, when that text arrives, it’s just so damn hard to not respond. Don’t.

No contact is for your own well-being, it is not for anyone else nor to get your ex back. If you’re thinking “but they’re my person and I want them back”, remember this: you are not getting what you want here. If you were, you wouldn’t be reading this. They don’t want to give you what you want from them. Maybe the future holds another shot for the two of you. But right now is not the time. You deserve someone who puts in the effort that you need. The “hey” text late at night is NOT effort.

The faster you get to no contact - the quicker you will heal and become happy again. There’s no redemption here and if you’re resisting this step, you’re only prolonging your healing.

Put your love and energy into yourself, your self-growth, your friends and your family. Work with a coach or a similar professional to build your self-worth, take off those rose-colored glasses and work on yourself.

In the beginning, it will be hard. But the longer you persist, the better it gets.

And I guarantee you - you will come out happier, healthier and better prepared for the next love relationship. You will be stronger emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

There are billions of people out there. If it's meant to be, they'll come back - but you have to let them go for now.

If you don’t let go, this person will be blocking your doorway. Neither here nor really gone, they will keep occupying your mind. Blocking your opportunities. You’re literally standing in your own way.

It's hard. Yes. It's painful. That's why you have friends and family. Lean on them.

Closure comes from within, and so does forgiveness. They can't give you the closure or forgiveness that you seek.

Contacting them now will only take you back to the center of the pain.

It does get easier, but it comes in waves. And when you’re at the dip of the wave, remind yourself how lucky you are that it’s over. Just imagine, if it had gone any further. The entanglement, the disrespect, how much deeper the pain could have been.

Let it go, my love. Let it go as slowly as you need to, but keep letting go.

There is nothing there for you anyway.

Let them go their own way and you go yours. Accept that they were a necessary step on your journey and a lesson that you needed to learn. Embrace the lesson and let go of the them. They didn’t want to walk the path with you. But you will find someone who will. Whatever you do, don’t lose faith in that.

Reframe it. When you realize that you deserve better, you will stop giving them so much power over you. They don’t want it anyway. They can’t handle you. You don’t want to be treated that way. So stop it.

You do deserve better. Understand that. You are allowed to have what you want and it’s your job to give it to yourself. It’s also your job to keep yourself away from people who are dangerous for you. Choose yourself.