Feeling loved as a child
I read once in a book by Victor Frankl how a holocaust survivor saved himself.
As the Nazis were escorting the group of exhausted concentration camp prisoners from one camp to another in order to gas them, our survivor came up with the plan to fall down and play dead. The prisoners, held captive for years, were so sick and exhausted that falling dead during these marches was common. He figured that he would slowly make his way from the outer side of the column to the inner, where there was a ditch, convenient to fall into and play dead.
The risky attempt to save himself was worth the reward of saving his own life. So he moved rows, slowly, one at a time, until he made it to the side close to the ditch. Then he just collapsed into it and, as he predicted, the Nazis assumed him dead and continued on with the remainder of the column.
Years later, during an interview, he was asked where he found the strength and courage for this. After all, he’d been imprisoned for years, starved, humiliated. Most prisoners were too weak to even think of a scheme like this, much less perform it, their spirits broken. He was the only one in his group to even attempt it. Where did he find inspiration and faith?
He thought for a minute and then responded, “I was well loved as a child.”
Make sure to love your children the best you can. Love them and model for them healthy behaviors – set boundaries, love yourself, leave an unhealthy relationship.
Don’t wait for them to grow up to leave a marriage that doesn’t work. If they constantly see you fighting or being unhappy or being ignored or yelled at, you’re only helping them develop unhealthy attachment styles.
Love the sh*t out of your kids. But love yourself first so they see what it looks like. If the relationship makes you more sad than happy, it may be time to leave.